I have been a priest now for over a month, and though that doesn't sound too spectacular, it has afforded me opportunities I've waited a lifetime to experience.
Mass
I am tempted to spew out a JBC style commentary on every liturgy I've celebrated and talk through all my thoughts, fears, reactions, feelings and bewilderments in celebrating the liturgy for they are numerous and varied. I will say though that many years of discernment and 8 years of seminary and all that it entailed was worth just one mass!
I have to admit that I haven't been able to internalize what I am 'supposed' to be feeling when I am celebrating mass. I felt incredibly out of place the first few weeks - that is becoming less so now now that I am getting into a routine at the parish. It's a funny thing: having the privilege to celebrate the mass is something I have been preparing for for many years, but to actually do it you see that it is something that one can never be fully prepared for. You prepare for the mechanics of it, you discern if you are called to the altar in that capacity, but you cannot prepare for the internal workings of the Spirit. To consecrate bread and wine so that is become the BODY AND BLOOD OF GOD is too great to "prepare for". I think that every day and every mass will unfold for me the reality that I am participating in and the sacrifice I am offering.
That being said, the liturgy- the mass - has a whole new and dynamic meaning for me now and my participation has changed, not only on the level of the obvious, but internally. I "feel" closer to what is going on and I can sense the reality of it all a little bit more - it is very REAL for me now in a way that perhaps was hidden from me before. In reflecting on this only a little, I don't think that you need to be ordained a priest to have your spiritual senses heightened to what is going on in the mass and to become more engaged in it on all levels. I really want to help my people experience the depths and beauties of this most awesome reality - the mass!
Confession
"Why me?"
That's all I can say. God has chosen me, a sinner, to be His priest and be a vessel of His Mercy and Love in the sacrament of penance. When the faithful come to the sacrament, they are not coming to talk to "Fr so-and-so", they are coming to talk to Christ. They need Christ to forgive them of their sins and to come back into a relationship with God characterized by mercy. It is nothing about me that has brought them to the sacrament for it is not ME forgiving them, but God through ME - powerful and mind-blowing!
This has been - second only to the mass - the greatest joy of mine these past few weeks of priesthood. This is where I the priest have an opportunity to intimately touch the wounded-ness of individuals and let the loving mercy of God touch their hearts and bring Life back into their souls.
Wow!
In general
"It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you". These words of Christ and the words of the God to Jeremiah "Before I formed you in to womb, I knew you... a prophet to the nations, I dedicated you" have been close to my heart recently. This may be more characteristic of the diocesan priesthood than religious priests, but I was ordained and sent to a parish to work. I am finding it very easy to think to myself "what can I do" "how can I make MY mark" I and ME has been punctuating my mind a lot and I need to draw my thoughts back to the beautiful words of scripture and remind myself that I am not in this for myself. I have been ordained to be a priest of Jesus Christ and thus I need to be the priest Jesus wants me to be, not the most successful on Brandon may want to be.
I am experiencing the beautiful and rich joys of the priesthood: celebrating mass, hearing confessions, visiting the hospital, anointing the sick, praying with the dying, visiting the homebound, being a fatherly figure to a parish and being and bringing a unique presence of God in the midst of a community. I am also experiencing the challenges: how do I plug myself into a community, what does it mean to be a priest, how do I live this out, what am I supposed to be doing, am I being a priest for Brandon or for Christ, how do I give myself totally over to this vocation and yet not burn out???
This is an amazing vocation and an amazingly complicated vocation (as they all are). I am very young in the priesthood, but I would have to say that it has all been worth it for even just one day of it!
Showing posts with label witness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label witness. Show all posts
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Did they awake a giant?
Yesterday, a large array of plaintiffs filed 12 lawsuits in federal court to challenge the constitutionality of the now infamous HHS mandate. I am very proud of my bishop for standing up and defending the church. He has been given an unfair reputation by many for their misunderstanding of his take on liturgical translation, but I would be hard pressed to find many men as passionate as he is in defending the church.
There has been a lot of commentary on the significance of this movement of our bishops and the church at large in not going silently into the night on this issue.
One thing I have read a lot is the idea that the Obama administration has awakened a giant; that the Obama administration has underestimated the Catholic Church and Her response.
I wrestle with whether or not this is the case...
I find it very hard to believe that anyone involved with drafting this legislation overlooked the fact that it was going to settle like oil and vinegar with the church. With the intensity of the debate over contraception and abortion over the past few decades, it is impossible to think that the administration was blindsided by this.
Secondly, I don't think there is any person who can honestly say that the administration is a friend to traditional, orthodox, sound, family - centered Catholicism. At most you can site placated rhetoric at campaign events or intense news conferences or speeches, but there has been nothing to suggest otherwise. To think that any legislation was crafted to uphold a biblical view of humanity is just naive.
The art of war involves two essential elements: a strategy and an assurance of victory. I believe both are at play in this latest drama of American politics. What better way to win sympathy...and votes... if you're viewed as the underdog - the victim! I don't know what news outlet you watch, but everything I see presents the church as old-white men in dresses who want to oppress women and harbor pedophiles. Whereas the federal government is shown as a bullied kid with a scraped knee who's crying for his mom to protect him from the aggressive church. The more this image is played out, the more they can play on the emotions of uninformed individuals and thus (in their thinking) win!
I really think they foresaw this and knew it was going to be met with opposition. They most likely foresaw lawsuits, but are relying on the hopes of the cases falling on the desks of the many liberal judges throughout this land. I am awfully sure they had no intention to uphold the dignity of the human person, but indulge the appetite in this culture for licentious promiscuity and 'freedom from God'.
I don't think it wise to adopt a Catholic maverick mentality of "we outsmarted the administration". I think we need to remain faithful, prayerful and dedicated to the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ if we truly want to transform the culture and the government.
Next post, I want to talk a little about the culture that is wanting to be created by those in opposition to the church.
There has been a lot of commentary on the significance of this movement of our bishops and the church at large in not going silently into the night on this issue.
One thing I have read a lot is the idea that the Obama administration has awakened a giant; that the Obama administration has underestimated the Catholic Church and Her response.
I wrestle with whether or not this is the case...
I find it very hard to believe that anyone involved with drafting this legislation overlooked the fact that it was going to settle like oil and vinegar with the church. With the intensity of the debate over contraception and abortion over the past few decades, it is impossible to think that the administration was blindsided by this.
Secondly, I don't think there is any person who can honestly say that the administration is a friend to traditional, orthodox, sound, family - centered Catholicism. At most you can site placated rhetoric at campaign events or intense news conferences or speeches, but there has been nothing to suggest otherwise. To think that any legislation was crafted to uphold a biblical view of humanity is just naive.
The art of war involves two essential elements: a strategy and an assurance of victory. I believe both are at play in this latest drama of American politics. What better way to win sympathy...and votes... if you're viewed as the underdog - the victim! I don't know what news outlet you watch, but everything I see presents the church as old-white men in dresses who want to oppress women and harbor pedophiles. Whereas the federal government is shown as a bullied kid with a scraped knee who's crying for his mom to protect him from the aggressive church. The more this image is played out, the more they can play on the emotions of uninformed individuals and thus (in their thinking) win!
I really think they foresaw this and knew it was going to be met with opposition. They most likely foresaw lawsuits, but are relying on the hopes of the cases falling on the desks of the many liberal judges throughout this land. I am awfully sure they had no intention to uphold the dignity of the human person, but indulge the appetite in this culture for licentious promiscuity and 'freedom from God'.
I don't think it wise to adopt a Catholic maverick mentality of "we outsmarted the administration". I think we need to remain faithful, prayerful and dedicated to the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ if we truly want to transform the culture and the government.
Next post, I want to talk a little about the culture that is wanting to be created by those in opposition to the church.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Looking back...
This is my final week in the seminary.
In a way it is a time for rejoicing and celebration for I had completed this assignment, this phase of my life. At the same time, it incites a lot of self-reflection and examination on the past 8 years of my life.
I have been blessed to have had the opportunity to experience phenomenal opportunities and meet some extraordinary people. I have had the opportunity to minister on an Indian reservation in SD, work in a soup kitchen in the heart of the Bronx. I have been assigned to two hospitals, two nursing homes, two youth programs, and a mental hospital as apostolic ministries. I have had the opportunity to go on pilgrimage to NY to be with the pope on his US visit and to Rome where I had the opportunity of being an acolyte at mass with him in St Peter's. I had the opportunity to not only go to Rome, but to Ars where I went to confession in the confessional of St John Vianney, followed by my acolyte installation at the tomb of St Vincent de Paul in Paris and serving mass in Notre Dame Cathedral.
Then there have been the innumerable day-to-day encounters and experiences that are the brick and mortar to the whole edifice of the seminary experience.
I have met some outstanding individuals - fellow students, priests, laity - who have impacted my life in ways many of them will never know and who some have become lifelong friends.
The formation process is so massive and weaves itself into every dimension of the man who goes through it. To synthesize and do a total reflection on it as a whole is a near impossible task for every aspect of your life and faith is affected by the experience. But I want o give a few thoughts on the spiritual and vocational growth I've experienced over the last 8 years.
Firstly, the sense I had of who God was when I first began and the sense of God now is miles deeper. My faith formation growing up was largely rooted in my 12 years of Catholic education and going to church on most Sundays - I was left with many more questions and vague notions of God than I would have preferred. It was in the process of these past years that I have taken ownership of, not only my knowledge of God, but my relationship with Him, and that is the most important element. I entered seminary with a feeling and a desire to discover what the priesthood meant while believing I had a grasp on God, but 8 years later I realize that I was very young and unspecific in my faith and didn't know a lot about what it meant to truly know God.
Secondly, it is the relationship with God that has come to define me. I am in no way holy and saintly, but I work on and desire a relationship with God so as to have everything about me reflect in that relationship. In all my weaknesses and struggles and challenges that I face in myself and in this vocation, I (try to) recognize them in the context of enduring it with God. God is not an idea that I can pray to in time of need, but an intimate friend whom I converse with all the time, any place and anywhere. It is that constant awareness of being in the presence of and in relationship with God that has truly been the most distinguishable touchstone of growth for me.
Thirdly, it is the overall sense and understanding of prayer and how powerful and effective it can be in our personal lives, but in the lives of those around us. It think this flows from the previous two points, but if you know what it means to know and you build a relationship with that person, then communication becomes enriched, deeper and more meaningful. The same goes with God. Even though we can't communicate the same as with a friend, we can still communicate and we do so through, not only through our senses, but also our souls and hearts. Communication with God is what it is all about - no matter the devotion, the words or actions - it is all about communicating and getting closer to the God. I think I was far more prone to pray to fulfill a sense of obligation to say words, but now I still have an obligation and bound by promises to my bishop to pray, but it is to enrich my life and the life of the whole church. This God that I pray to is the same one you and everyone else prays to - there is only one God! The more I can pray and love God, the more I am connected to the God who loves all humanity which leads me to being more connected to them in love.
It is a huge web and nothing is autonomous or isolated from another. My prayer life cannot not affect my relationship with God. My relationship with God cannot not affect my relationship to humanity. My relationship to humanity cannot not affect my relationship with God...and so on! (I know I used double negatives... I can't not resist)
I hope that wasn't too broad or too much, but my early reflections on this past phase of my life has made me initially see that fundamental growth and awareness has taken place.
As I move forward, especially in these next four weeks before priestly ordination, I will be reflecting a lot on what all this means to be called to the priesthood and to grow in maturity within the context of God...
In a way it is a time for rejoicing and celebration for I had completed this assignment, this phase of my life. At the same time, it incites a lot of self-reflection and examination on the past 8 years of my life.
I have been blessed to have had the opportunity to experience phenomenal opportunities and meet some extraordinary people. I have had the opportunity to minister on an Indian reservation in SD, work in a soup kitchen in the heart of the Bronx. I have been assigned to two hospitals, two nursing homes, two youth programs, and a mental hospital as apostolic ministries. I have had the opportunity to go on pilgrimage to NY to be with the pope on his US visit and to Rome where I had the opportunity of being an acolyte at mass with him in St Peter's. I had the opportunity to not only go to Rome, but to Ars where I went to confession in the confessional of St John Vianney, followed by my acolyte installation at the tomb of St Vincent de Paul in Paris and serving mass in Notre Dame Cathedral.
Then there have been the innumerable day-to-day encounters and experiences that are the brick and mortar to the whole edifice of the seminary experience.
I have met some outstanding individuals - fellow students, priests, laity - who have impacted my life in ways many of them will never know and who some have become lifelong friends.
The formation process is so massive and weaves itself into every dimension of the man who goes through it. To synthesize and do a total reflection on it as a whole is a near impossible task for every aspect of your life and faith is affected by the experience. But I want o give a few thoughts on the spiritual and vocational growth I've experienced over the last 8 years.
Firstly, the sense I had of who God was when I first began and the sense of God now is miles deeper. My faith formation growing up was largely rooted in my 12 years of Catholic education and going to church on most Sundays - I was left with many more questions and vague notions of God than I would have preferred. It was in the process of these past years that I have taken ownership of, not only my knowledge of God, but my relationship with Him, and that is the most important element. I entered seminary with a feeling and a desire to discover what the priesthood meant while believing I had a grasp on God, but 8 years later I realize that I was very young and unspecific in my faith and didn't know a lot about what it meant to truly know God.
Secondly, it is the relationship with God that has come to define me. I am in no way holy and saintly, but I work on and desire a relationship with God so as to have everything about me reflect in that relationship. In all my weaknesses and struggles and challenges that I face in myself and in this vocation, I (try to) recognize them in the context of enduring it with God. God is not an idea that I can pray to in time of need, but an intimate friend whom I converse with all the time, any place and anywhere. It is that constant awareness of being in the presence of and in relationship with God that has truly been the most distinguishable touchstone of growth for me.
Thirdly, it is the overall sense and understanding of prayer and how powerful and effective it can be in our personal lives, but in the lives of those around us. It think this flows from the previous two points, but if you know what it means to know and you build a relationship with that person, then communication becomes enriched, deeper and more meaningful. The same goes with God. Even though we can't communicate the same as with a friend, we can still communicate and we do so through, not only through our senses, but also our souls and hearts. Communication with God is what it is all about - no matter the devotion, the words or actions - it is all about communicating and getting closer to the God. I think I was far more prone to pray to fulfill a sense of obligation to say words, but now I still have an obligation and bound by promises to my bishop to pray, but it is to enrich my life and the life of the whole church. This God that I pray to is the same one you and everyone else prays to - there is only one God! The more I can pray and love God, the more I am connected to the God who loves all humanity which leads me to being more connected to them in love.
It is a huge web and nothing is autonomous or isolated from another. My prayer life cannot not affect my relationship with God. My relationship with God cannot not affect my relationship to humanity. My relationship to humanity cannot not affect my relationship with God...and so on! (I know I used double negatives... I can't not resist)
I hope that wasn't too broad or too much, but my early reflections on this past phase of my life has made me initially see that fundamental growth and awareness has taken place.
As I move forward, especially in these next four weeks before priestly ordination, I will be reflecting a lot on what all this means to be called to the priesthood and to grow in maturity within the context of God...
Saturday, April 21, 2012
third sunday of easter, year b
We are called to be witnesses to the Risen Christ...
witnesses of the one who has forgiven us of our sins
witnesses of the one who said death is not the end
witnesses of the one who said there is no greater love than to lay down your life for a friend
witnesses of the one who endured the cross because he was deeply in love with us
We have been called to believe, even though we have not seen, and bring His entirety to all peoples
But none of us can begin to do this if we do not know Him, the one we are called to witness.
This probably sounds like common sense, but it is so essential. And to know Him is so simple, yet incredibly difficult.
What many or all of us do is demand too much, to expect too much or put unrealistic expectations on those we are in relationships with. Think about any number of relationships we are in - spouse, friend, sibling, classmate, colleague, brother or sister in Christ - and consider what expectations or demands we put on them either subconsciously or directly.
Do we demand love? Do we want to be comforted? Do we demand acceptance? Do we demand attention? Do we demand proof of love?
It is a symptom of our humanity. We are fallen creation inclined to sin and corrupting perfect relationship with self serving desires and demands. If we really think about it, we can all in some ways see ourselves falling into this with at least some of our relationships.
The same is with Christ...
How easy and how common it is for us to demand love, comfort, acceptance, attention and proof from Christ. After all, He is a real person and how else are we to relate to Him than how we know how to relate to other persons in our lives? Then we are faced with the reality that we can't interact and expect synonymous responses from Him as we would, lets say, our spouse. When we make identical expectations on Christ as we do others and then faced with the reality He does not respond as they do, we are left in doubt and frustration and faith in God is something we resign as something superfluous or impossible.
I am the first one to admit my guilt with this. There are some days where it just 'clicks' and there are others where I'm too stuck on myself and I make demands on God to make Himself more known or to do something for me - I put very finite and human expectations on an infinite and mysterious Being!
What does this have to do with being a witness? Everything.
If we are to be witness of the Risen Lord, if we are to have the fire of faith and the martyrs zeal, then our hearts cannot be in the wrong place and stifling that flame. We need to be aware of what it means to know Christ so as to be His witness.
Knowing Christ is a lifelong process and we can never fully comprehend the depth and breadth of the mystery of God in this life, but we need to get ourselves on the right track.
The mystical and other worldly experiences of God that many of us perhaps demand of God can only be possible once we simply acknowledge Him. To be consumed by the flames of the love of God is only possible once we set before us His commandments. To release a sigh of joy in the mercy of God is only possible once we acknowledge our own sinfulness. To be deafened by the choirs of angels is only possible through a simple recognition of the need for something greater than I.
To know our Risen Lord is to simply acknowledge Him and an honest desire to serve Him.
It is our constant struggle to let go of those demands and expectations and just let God BE and let Him take you by the hand and lead you to places and experience things that our minds can only scratch in imagination.
We are called to be witnesses to the greatest mystery in the universe - let's not hinder that by our own weakness and sin.
witnesses of the one who has forgiven us of our sins
witnesses of the one who said death is not the end
witnesses of the one who said there is no greater love than to lay down your life for a friend
witnesses of the one who endured the cross because he was deeply in love with us
We have been called to believe, even though we have not seen, and bring His entirety to all peoples
But none of us can begin to do this if we do not know Him, the one we are called to witness.
This probably sounds like common sense, but it is so essential. And to know Him is so simple, yet incredibly difficult.
What many or all of us do is demand too much, to expect too much or put unrealistic expectations on those we are in relationships with. Think about any number of relationships we are in - spouse, friend, sibling, classmate, colleague, brother or sister in Christ - and consider what expectations or demands we put on them either subconsciously or directly.
Do we demand love? Do we want to be comforted? Do we demand acceptance? Do we demand attention? Do we demand proof of love?
It is a symptom of our humanity. We are fallen creation inclined to sin and corrupting perfect relationship with self serving desires and demands. If we really think about it, we can all in some ways see ourselves falling into this with at least some of our relationships.
The same is with Christ...
How easy and how common it is for us to demand love, comfort, acceptance, attention and proof from Christ. After all, He is a real person and how else are we to relate to Him than how we know how to relate to other persons in our lives? Then we are faced with the reality that we can't interact and expect synonymous responses from Him as we would, lets say, our spouse. When we make identical expectations on Christ as we do others and then faced with the reality He does not respond as they do, we are left in doubt and frustration and faith in God is something we resign as something superfluous or impossible.
I am the first one to admit my guilt with this. There are some days where it just 'clicks' and there are others where I'm too stuck on myself and I make demands on God to make Himself more known or to do something for me - I put very finite and human expectations on an infinite and mysterious Being!
What does this have to do with being a witness? Everything.
If we are to be witness of the Risen Lord, if we are to have the fire of faith and the martyrs zeal, then our hearts cannot be in the wrong place and stifling that flame. We need to be aware of what it means to know Christ so as to be His witness.
Knowing Christ is a lifelong process and we can never fully comprehend the depth and breadth of the mystery of God in this life, but we need to get ourselves on the right track.
The mystical and other worldly experiences of God that many of us perhaps demand of God can only be possible once we simply acknowledge Him. To be consumed by the flames of the love of God is only possible once we set before us His commandments. To release a sigh of joy in the mercy of God is only possible once we acknowledge our own sinfulness. To be deafened by the choirs of angels is only possible through a simple recognition of the need for something greater than I.
To know our Risen Lord is to simply acknowledge Him and an honest desire to serve Him.
It is our constant struggle to let go of those demands and expectations and just let God BE and let Him take you by the hand and lead you to places and experience things that our minds can only scratch in imagination.
We are called to be witnesses to the greatest mystery in the universe - let's not hinder that by our own weakness and sin.
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