Looking back...

This is my final week in the seminary.

In a way it is a time for rejoicing and celebration for I had completed this assignment, this phase of my life. At the same time, it incites a lot of self-reflection and examination on the past 8 years of my life.

I have been blessed to have had the opportunity to experience phenomenal opportunities and meet some extraordinary people. I have had the opportunity to minister on an Indian reservation in SD, work in a soup kitchen in the heart of the Bronx. I have been assigned to two hospitals, two nursing homes, two youth programs, and a mental hospital as apostolic ministries. I have had the opportunity to go on pilgrimage to NY to be with the pope on his US visit and to Rome where I had the opportunity of being an acolyte at mass with him in St Peter's. I had the opportunity to not only go to Rome, but to Ars where I went to confession in the confessional of St John Vianney, followed by my acolyte installation at the tomb of St Vincent de Paul in Paris and serving mass in Notre Dame Cathedral.

Then there have been the innumerable day-to-day encounters and experiences that are the brick and mortar to the whole edifice of the seminary experience.

I have met some outstanding individuals - fellow students, priests, laity - who have impacted my life in ways many of them will never know and who some have become lifelong friends.

The formation process is so massive and weaves itself into every dimension of the man who goes through it. To synthesize and do a total reflection on it as a whole is a near impossible task for every aspect of your life and faith is affected by the experience. But I want o give a few thoughts on the spiritual and vocational growth I've experienced over the last 8 years.

Firstly, the sense I had of who God was when I first began and the sense of God now is miles deeper. My faith formation growing up was largely rooted in my 12 years of Catholic education and going to church on most Sundays - I was left with many more questions and vague notions of God than I would have preferred. It was in the process of these past years that I have taken ownership of, not only my knowledge of God, but my relationship with Him, and that is the most important element. I entered seminary with a feeling and a desire to discover what the priesthood meant while believing I had a grasp on God, but 8 years later I realize that I was very young and unspecific in my faith and didn't know a lot about what it meant to truly know God.

Secondly, it is the relationship with God that has come to define me. I am in no way holy and saintly, but I work on and desire a relationship with God so as to have everything about me reflect in that relationship. In all my weaknesses and struggles and challenges that I face in myself and in this vocation, I (try to) recognize them in the context of enduring it with God. God is not an idea that I can pray to in time of need, but an intimate friend whom I converse with all the time, any place and anywhere. It is that constant awareness of being in the presence of and in relationship with God that has truly been the most distinguishable touchstone of growth for me.

Thirdly, it is the overall sense and understanding of prayer and how powerful and effective it can be in our personal lives, but in the lives of those around us. It think this flows from the previous two points, but if you know what it means to know and you build a relationship with that person, then communication becomes enriched, deeper and more meaningful. The same goes with God. Even though we can't communicate the same as with a friend, we can still communicate and we do so through, not only through our senses, but also our souls and hearts. Communication with God is what it is all about - no matter the devotion, the words or actions - it is all about communicating and getting closer to the God. I think I was far more prone to pray to fulfill a sense of obligation to say words, but now I still have an obligation and bound by promises to my bishop to pray, but it is to enrich my life and the life of the whole church. This God that I pray to is the same one you and everyone else prays to - there is only one God! The more I can pray and love God, the more I am connected to the God who loves all humanity which leads me to being more connected to them in love.

It is a huge web and nothing is autonomous or isolated from another. My prayer life cannot not affect my relationship with God. My relationship with God cannot not affect my relationship to humanity. My relationship to humanity cannot not affect my relationship with God...and so on! (I know I used double negatives... I can't not resist)

I hope that wasn't too broad or too much, but my early reflections on this past phase of my life has made me initially see that fundamental growth and awareness has taken place.
As I move forward, especially in these next four weeks before priestly ordination, I will be reflecting a lot on what all this means to be called to the priesthood and to grow in maturity within the context of God...