BE the change

In my senior year of high school, the senior class had to pick a quote to put in the yearbook underneath your photograph. It's an assignment that some take seriously, some view as an opportunity to be outlandish and others just refuse to submit anything. I was one who, in being someone who collected quotes, looked forward to this task for my entire senior year. The quote i picked is one I remember wanting to use for months, but where I found it, I cannot remember. It is a simple quote, one that many have probably heard, but is one that has stuck with me through now into my priesthood. The quote is:

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"

~Mahatma Gandhi 

I always envisioned myself being this renegade, this crusader who valiantly saved the world from every evil, war, pestilence and corrupt ideology - I wanted to embody that change to the point of affecting every aspect of the globe. These were high expectations, I knew, but I was able to see so many problems in the world and I intuitively knew solutions to all of them. There was almost nothing I didn't have a cure for or a method to get to the utopia we all yearn for. This yearning, this desire, came along with me into the priesthood.

All through the seminary, in varying degrees over time, being this salvific change was always on my mind and in my heart. Over the years of seminary and formation, it got tempered, but never left. As the days got closer and closer to priesthood, I began to see my desire to be the change I wished to see in the  world coming closer to fruition. 

I dont want you to get the wrong impression that I answered the call to the priesthood to change the world into my utopia, not even close. The priesthood is a vocation a man is called to by God and over years of formation and discernment he comes to say Yes to laying his self down for the love of the Church (to put it very simply). But there was always a little bit of "super hero"mentality that told me that perhaps you could "do" more when you're a priest. 

Being a priest now for just shy of 4 months, I see just how naive I was in interpreting Gandhi's words. 

Almost everyday now, as a priest, I am faced with a situation or scenario where I simply do not know what to do or how to solve the problems presented to me. I know what I want and what direction people should go in to solve the issues life has thrown at them, but how to do that, I don't always know. 

I want to solve everybody's problems, heal all their wounds, make all their demons go away, get them to good health - I want to be the one to give them the change they desire AND that is where I went wrong with that quote.

The sacrament of Orders gives a man a phenomenal amount of grace to live out this vocation (this is a topic too large for right now) and changes his very soul - BUT it doesn't make him Thor! As much as a man wants to DO something, he is called to BE CHRIST! 

Nothing you do as a priest, you do as yourself - it is a total unification to Christ and a total self gift to your love, your bride, the Church. When someone comes to the priest, they are coming to Christ. That is such an easy thing to say, but perhaps the biggest challenge -at least for me - of the priesthood. 

So how do I "be the change" I wish to see in the world? I simply have to be Christ. That can't be an excuse for laziness or passivity, it has to be a call to action - an action of the presence of Christ. The change I've been called to give is not the product of my physical skills, but that of my ontological change! The world will not and cannot be changed without Christ - period, end of the debate. No ideology or party or man can bring true change to the world - the change that satiates the desires of our souls - but the presence of God. Never has this been made clearer to me since becoming a priest.

So can priests not bring about change in the world? They most definitely can, but not in some Marvel Comic type of way. As a priest, when people come to you looking for health of mind, body and soul, they asking God to come to them, let them know they are loved and precious, let them know that they are not abandoned and that with Christ they will conquer anything. 

It is not my elbow grease, but my presence - my BEing that brings about that Change. The ministry of presence is perhaps the best agent for change. In bringing that presence of Christ out into the world, to people in despair, does the world slowly begin to change and turn towards God. The change I want in the world is Christ. It is ultimately for Christ to reign in the hearts of every man woman. It is for everyone to come to feel the beating of the heart of God. I cant DO this, but I can BE and stand witness to that change. I may not be able to cure the physical ailment, but I can show them Christ who desires to go through this pain with them. 

It is hard to internalize and live - it probably will take a lifetime to begin to fully understand. But, there has been nothing more beautiful and awesome than to be with people in their darkest and most vulnerable moments and be able to help them attain that change they desire - help them to see and know the love of God. 

7th Sunday Ordinary Time: Your sins are forgiven

Humanity, in  the past two decades or so, has acquired an immunity and desensitization to much of the violence, gore, sex, horror and whatnot that gets presented to us in media.

Think about all the music, movies, TV, games and everything else that literally puts us in the midst of so much horrible things and scenes. We have become a people who don’t look away, gasp, get repulsed or sick at seeing these images.

Don’t get me wrong; I am a media junkie. I love so many genres of music, movies and television and many that presents much of this stuff. I love a good movie of war, violence, horror, etc. Who doesn’t?

My point is not to demonize anything media related. I only mean to point out and make us aware of the reality that we have in so many ways become immune and desensitized to nearly everything put forth in our favorite media. It is something interesting to think about and realize. I think that part of taking ownership of ourselves is knowing ourselves and recognizing the blind spots in our lives, and I think this is one blind spot that all of us have.

There is another blind spot we need to acknowledge that predates R rated films by millennia, that is the magnitude of the effects of sin in our lives.

Two episodes of the mercy towards the sinfulness of humanity are shown to us.

Isaiah shows us of God essentially telling the people “I know your sins. I know how weak and vulnerable you are. But you know what, I love you. I love you and I forgive you. Let’s move on”. In the Gospel, Christ is presented with a man lowered through the roof of his house! What is telling about this encounter is that instead of healing his paralysis, Christ forgives him of his sin.

The Gospel gives us no indication of disappointment on the man’s part, but I think many of us feel it inside when we really think about it. If we came to Christ and wanted some physical ailment healed and, instead, He forgave us of our sins, would we be disappointed?

Sin has stripped something out of the core of our souls. It has left an emptiness and yearning inside of us the we have become all too often immune to in it affects. Because there is a hollowness inside of us, we naturally try to fill it up and it often gets filled with sin. Because that hole appears and feels filled, we don’t realize it is even there or the hazards of it. So we go days, weeks, months or years without really thinking about sin. We live in the midst and stench of that sin and we don’t even recognize it. We don’t feel sorrowful , shameful, embarrassed, or guilty. We essentially numb ourselves to sins effects because we have fooled ourselves into thinking that we aren’t hurting ourselves or others and we end up justifying our actions.

We are desensitized to sin!

But God does see this and He desires nothing more than to fill that hole with His love, mercy and the intimacy of a relationship with Him. This healing is essential to our salvation and our coming to know and experience God and the beauty of life.

When Christ says, “Your sins are forgiven”, He is performing a greater miracle than the physical healing of the man’s paralysis by saying “Rise, pick up your mat and walk”.

When a priest utters, “I absolve you of your sins” in the sacrament of Confession, he too is performing that awesome and essential miracle: the forgiveness of sins.

This is our last Sunday of Ordinary Time for a couple months. We enter the season of Lent this Wednesday when we will dive deep into the reality of sin and death before we immerse ourselves in the mystery of life and resurrection at Easter.

We need to not only acknowledge blind spots in our lives like our immunity to violence in film and TV, but also the effects of sin in our lives. We need to start yearning for those words of forgiveness, mercy, intimacy and love.

We need to start recognizing our need for those words of Christ “Child, your sins are forgiven”.

Sixth Sunday OT: He Touched Him

"He stretched out His hand and Touched him"

For 2 years, my senior year of high school and my first year of college, I lived with my grandma and great-grandma. It was a blessing to be able to, not only know my great-grandma, but also live with her. Over that period we got very close, even to the point of calling her one of my best friends. In the last few months of her life, she got quite ill - heart, cancer and old age. I had the honor of helping to care for her on a daily basis and tried to make her comfortable as much as possible.

Each night, for the ten years I knew her and especially the 2 I lived with her, I would give her a hug and kiss as I said "goodnight". Well, in the last days of her life, being touched was painful for her. Her body was so racked in pain that the slightest touch could send her gasping in pain. One night, her pain was so great that I couldn't give her a hug as I had done for a decade because of the pain and discomfort. That night, she died.

"He stretched out His hand and Touched him"

The leper came to Christ. The leper was a man racked in utter pain. Not only was the disease probably unimaginably painful, but he was throbbing with emotional and spiritual pain as well.

As we heard in the first reading, lepers had to be cast out and let others know they were infected. Think about how humiliating that must have been. This man was cast out from his community, his family and friends, the temple and all normal human interaction. He was lonely and in utter darkness. He couldn't do anything he wanted or desired. Every human need, longing and desire was forbidden because of a disease he had not asked for.

It was the custom and law not to touch a leper for fear of contracting the disease yourself and for becoming impure. But, Christ did not come to follow social norms or what was popular or to be politically correct; Christ came to bring Life and Love regardless what man expected.

When the leper  begged Christ to be healed, he was begging Him to be touched, to have his pain taken away, to be loved and accepted and cared for again. The leper was on the brink of death from all he had gone through and endured. Christ saw this, was moved with pity and touched him and he was healed.

Christ is showing us something fundamentally essential. He is telling and showing us that the way of life and love is not through social norms; it is not through doing what is popular or expected, and not through what is safe for me. The way of life and love is through going outside of ourselves and touching others, even if there is great risk to ourselves. Christ Himself risked being infected, made impure and cast out, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that this man needed love, healing and touch.

We are called to touch the lives and hearts of all people, regardless of who they are or the cost to ourselves. We are to operate and act outside of ourselves and give of ourselves wholly and completely without counting the cost. This is the only way to give the love of Christ to others just as He gives it to us.

I couldn't give my grandma a hug that night because the pain was too unbearable for her. But, we are called to 'hug', to love and to 'touch' others so that is hurts us. We are shown that the way of Christ is to live for others and not ourselves. The true touch of love and life is that where I risk a sacrifice of myself. We are called to offer our bodies, comforts and securities for the sake of love, just as Christ did for us.

"He stretched out His hand and Touched him"