BE the change

In my senior year of high school, the senior class had to pick a quote to put in the yearbook underneath your photograph. It's an assignment that some take seriously, some view as an opportunity to be outlandish and others just refuse to submit anything. I was one who, in being someone who collected quotes, looked forward to this task for my entire senior year. The quote i picked is one I remember wanting to use for months, but where I found it, I cannot remember. It is a simple quote, one that many have probably heard, but is one that has stuck with me through now into my priesthood. The quote is:

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"

~Mahatma Gandhi 

I always envisioned myself being this renegade, this crusader who valiantly saved the world from every evil, war, pestilence and corrupt ideology - I wanted to embody that change to the point of affecting every aspect of the globe. These were high expectations, I knew, but I was able to see so many problems in the world and I intuitively knew solutions to all of them. There was almost nothing I didn't have a cure for or a method to get to the utopia we all yearn for. This yearning, this desire, came along with me into the priesthood.

All through the seminary, in varying degrees over time, being this salvific change was always on my mind and in my heart. Over the years of seminary and formation, it got tempered, but never left. As the days got closer and closer to priesthood, I began to see my desire to be the change I wished to see in the  world coming closer to fruition. 

I dont want you to get the wrong impression that I answered the call to the priesthood to change the world into my utopia, not even close. The priesthood is a vocation a man is called to by God and over years of formation and discernment he comes to say Yes to laying his self down for the love of the Church (to put it very simply). But there was always a little bit of "super hero"mentality that told me that perhaps you could "do" more when you're a priest. 

Being a priest now for just shy of 4 months, I see just how naive I was in interpreting Gandhi's words. 

Almost everyday now, as a priest, I am faced with a situation or scenario where I simply do not know what to do or how to solve the problems presented to me. I know what I want and what direction people should go in to solve the issues life has thrown at them, but how to do that, I don't always know. 

I want to solve everybody's problems, heal all their wounds, make all their demons go away, get them to good health - I want to be the one to give them the change they desire AND that is where I went wrong with that quote.

The sacrament of Orders gives a man a phenomenal amount of grace to live out this vocation (this is a topic too large for right now) and changes his very soul - BUT it doesn't make him Thor! As much as a man wants to DO something, he is called to BE CHRIST! 

Nothing you do as a priest, you do as yourself - it is a total unification to Christ and a total self gift to your love, your bride, the Church. When someone comes to the priest, they are coming to Christ. That is such an easy thing to say, but perhaps the biggest challenge -at least for me - of the priesthood. 

So how do I "be the change" I wish to see in the world? I simply have to be Christ. That can't be an excuse for laziness or passivity, it has to be a call to action - an action of the presence of Christ. The change I've been called to give is not the product of my physical skills, but that of my ontological change! The world will not and cannot be changed without Christ - period, end of the debate. No ideology or party or man can bring true change to the world - the change that satiates the desires of our souls - but the presence of God. Never has this been made clearer to me since becoming a priest.

So can priests not bring about change in the world? They most definitely can, but not in some Marvel Comic type of way. As a priest, when people come to you looking for health of mind, body and soul, they asking God to come to them, let them know they are loved and precious, let them know that they are not abandoned and that with Christ they will conquer anything. 

It is not my elbow grease, but my presence - my BEing that brings about that Change. The ministry of presence is perhaps the best agent for change. In bringing that presence of Christ out into the world, to people in despair, does the world slowly begin to change and turn towards God. The change I want in the world is Christ. It is ultimately for Christ to reign in the hearts of every man woman. It is for everyone to come to feel the beating of the heart of God. I cant DO this, but I can BE and stand witness to that change. I may not be able to cure the physical ailment, but I can show them Christ who desires to go through this pain with them. 

It is hard to internalize and live - it probably will take a lifetime to begin to fully understand. But, there has been nothing more beautiful and awesome than to be with people in their darkest and most vulnerable moments and be able to help them attain that change they desire - help them to see and know the love of God.