"Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God"

(title of a sermon by an American Colonial minister, Jonathan Edwards)

I am slacking in regularly posting on here. It has been an irregular past several weeks and I have not had a lot of time to devote to my blog, sorry. I would like to pick back up with some thoughts on some aspects of being ordained.

It was a great summer, my first summer ordained. Having been ordained a transitional deacon on April 30, I have had continual encounters that have been new, exciting, scary and challenging.

My parish I was at for the summer, and all school year, has a lot of masses so I was able to preach almost everyday and a couple of the Sunday masses. Preaching is something that I have been wanting for so many years. I have envisioned being up at the pulpit (or ambo) and giving fiery and inspirational homilies for many years. Now, it is a reality, sort of. At ordination, you are entrusted with the awesome task of being the caretaker and voice of the Sacred Scripture. It is I, the ordained deacon (or priest) that proclaims, teaches and preaches the Word of God - I am who the Church has bestowed this responsibility upon - this is REAL. What I learned quickly is that the Church did not entrust me because of any intelligence, savviness, eloquence or persuasiveness I could apply, no, the church has entrusted me with this responsibilty because God has chosen me to do it. I have done nothing and am nothing that deserves or qualifies me to do it - I have been called by God and answered the call. God has given me graces, graces that no one can truly understand unless they are themselves ordained and in need of relying on them.

What I quickly learned is that I know very little. I really am not an expert in any particular field of theology. I know the foundations and I understand how the Church thinks, but I am not endowed with any special knowledge that allows me to do this task. I have the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit speaks through my words, fills in my gaps, rests in the hearts of those who hear me and is the one who truly decides what I say.

This is why I say my desire to be an amazing homilist is sort of realized. I can now preach and do all the preparatory work involved like prayer, meditation and study to prepare for it, but it is God who is the one preaching. If someone says "nice homily, deacon", take it as a compliment and it is encouraging, but I know that I was only an aspect of that homily, God was the other and larger one speaking.

This is something that I probably had a head knowledge of prior to ordination, but now my heart has truly assented to that truth.

I have also come to see that preaching is a challenging task. The Holy Spirit is my guide and inspiration, but I still need to be knowledgeable in the ways of God, of Scripture, of humanity and of how they all interact. I need to continually learn and all my learning needs to have as its aim "How does this relate to the relationship of God and man?" and "How can I teach this to those entrusted to my care?". My existence is and has to be that of a person who has been entrusted with much, as a person of whom much is expected and of a person truly in love with God and all he does and creates in the world.

This is what I have come to learn, so far, from my task and ministry of preaching.